Wednesday, December 05, 2007


Going through this for Mark.

Boy or girl?

Man. I like to think that that much is obvious...

How old are you?

Ugh, don't remind me. Too old. Younger than Algernon, but the guy gets a pass for being dead a lot of the time. Me, I'm close to retirement.

What's your height?

Six feet and a couple inches. Been that way for as long as I care to remember, actually.

Are you a virgin?


Do you have any kids?

Nope, and frankly I don't see how anyone who can't hold a gun could be safe around me. I guess I gotta adopt a teenager or something if I ever want to get that fatherly pride.

What's your favorite food?

Italian-style thin-crust pizza with a pound or two of toppings. No such thing as too much extra cheese.

What's your favorite ice-cream flavor?

Vanilla, actually. I don't like how chocolate tastes. As far as I'm concerned, anything else ain't ice-cream. Keep your cappucino-flavored abominations away from me.

Have you killed anyone?

Yeah, that's pretty much my "thing". Stopped counting.

Do you hate anyone?

I used to get an itch in my trigger finger for a lot of guys, but I guess I'm mellowing out a bit now. I can even think kinda clearly about Dennis Gray, but I owe the guy a few dozen bullets. He's going down. But hate? Nah, that's too strong a word. Just gotta do what I gotta do.

Have any secrets?

I'm just a private guy. There's a lot of things I keep to myself, so if you want to call that having secrets, then yes.

Do you love anyone?

Used to. Didn't work out.

What is your job?

I go places and do things. Usually bad places and very bad things.

Any powers or weapons?

Powers? I've got skills. I guess I'm lucky, generally, but that doesn't seem like much of a power when my co-workers read minds or wield mjolnir. I've got plenty of weapons, though. Pistols up my sleeves, a few knives and whatever else I need, and that's just what I'm carrying. You catch me in my armory, I could outfit a platoon of rambos with bullets to spare.

What do you do to relax?

I train in my off-time, but when I need to get away from the job completely, I usually go to the cinema and read a good book. People should read more books, in general. I don't know how often remembering some piece of trivia has saved my ass, and it makes for good conversation.

What do you think your life expectancy is?

All bets have been off for the last thirty years or so. Why paralyze yourself with the thought? All I know is that it's gonna be violent, and that's fine by me.

What is your opinion of the opposite sex?

I'm kinda in the modern boat, I've seen plenty of women that can keep up with me, so I try not to judge too quickly. But sometimes I can't help but get into "protect the women and children" mode, you know? I guess I can come off as patronizing. Oh, and I have no patience for the whole emancipation thing. You wanna be treated equally? Act that way. You can't just grab all the perks and still expect me to give you the special treatment. And for God's sake, don't preach. Pisses me off something fierce, that.

Now what are you going to do?

Waiting for the next call. Hoping it won't come, 'cause when I get called, things are fucked up already. I guess that's my fate, though.

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